The D word.

                 Living with Depression!
What an awful word that is.. Depression..  Depression comes in all different types and although I can't speak on all types I will speak on mine. What most people don't know about me is I have suffered with this since I was diagnosed at 12. I have had to go threw lots and lots of test to find out why I was always down. Truth is we never did find out why but here I am at the age of 27 and still I suffer every single day. You can look me in the eyes as I smile but what u can't see is the pain and torture I put myself threw. Am I good enough? Do I have purpose? Will I live up to the standard everyone expects of me? Why am I always hating myself? I am a mother of 2 amazing little boys but still I question everything like Am I actually a good mom? Do I deserve these amazing children? Will a raise them to be happy or depressed like me? I see all these happy people and I have always wondered what goes on threw their head. Do they question themselves as badly as I do? I have tried to find out why I suffer everyday but maybe i'm not supposed to know. They say what doesn't kill u makes u stronger but I don't think that's true I have suffered for 15 years and I still feel like i'm that little 12 year old girl who has no idea whats going on. 15 years! To tho's who say its a "faze" clearly have never had to deal with the pain and heart break that comes from it. I as well as everyone who suffers with this wish it was just a "faze" but its not its a nightmare. U can not see the pain we struggle threw everyday. Everyone has a battle they are fighting but sometimes the battle that is being fought is against themselves. I along with Millions of people suffer with this nasty illness. I have good day but mostly bad days I live everyday just like all of u but instead of overcoming obstacles threw day to day life I have to overcome myself first. Depression is not a weakness we have to fight more to be happy. So next time u tell someone to be happy think about the fight they have to go threw to get there.. 
              Thanks for stopping by. Hope u have a Happy day.